David loved and was loved. He embraced change and walked positively through life,
making connections, lifting others up, and prioritizing his family and friends.
We remember David’s intelligence, humor and ability to bring joy to all
who had the privilege of having even a moment with him.
We loved Dave, and he loved us dearly.
“You are what you think, having become what you thought.” Siddhartha
David Charles Middleton Memorial Service
February 15, 2025
My name is Meg Ziegelmann and as a friend of the family for over 50 years, I was humbled and honored to be asked by the family to be the Service Leader today. Thank you!
This is a day of both grieving and celebrating the life of a husband, a father and a friend, David Charles Middleton. I intentionally included the word “grieving” because in contrast to other cultures, ours sometimes slides through the grieving part of today too quickly. Our society functions on getting things done on fast forward. Yet, when death occurs with someone we love and care about, we are numb, almost in a surreal place.We go through the formalities of preparing and participating in the Memorial Service.Then we move on.
This isn’t the way of other cultures where there are often specific practices that continue for some time. They have a purpose. For the friends of the deceased, it’s to remind them that the family is still hurting. In Greece the family dresses in black for the first year; the second year they wear gray.They are telling us that their grief is poignant in the first year and less so the second year. In Mexico there is the Catholic Mass and the burial, followed by 9 days of near silence. It is the time for respectful reflection. One is expected to be in church as often as possible to pray for the deceased’ soul that it will be “cleansed” in preparation forits welcoming into heaven.
There are signs of healthy changes in our society. Some families now have more intentional expressions of their loss.A small altar might be set up in a place in the home. Or, each year on the day of the death, the family might gather, have a meal and read a poem or play a piece of music they’ve written.
For those of us here today let us remember that after today the family will be on their own again. They won’t be surrounded by the loving support they are receiving today. Yet support will still be needed.Random days of sadness and tears will continue. So I suggest that for a while, instead of greeting family members with our usual “How are you?”— that instead we ask– “How are you today?”
But let me not linger here too long and instead turn to lifting up the richness of Davids’ life. That is everyone’s favorite part. We each have a “piece” of David from the individual experiences we had with him. But none of us has the “whole”. Today we bring the “pieces” together and we create the “whole”.We may hear surprising things — and let’s mix in laughter where it fits. Enjoy the comedy in Davids’ life as well as our admiration and respect for him.Because we all know, our journey in life has many twists and turns.
I first met David and Sharon in the mid-1970’s. We lived in different communities. We went to different churches. They were Lutheran, IMethodist. It was a time of the ecumenical movement.You may remember the emergence of new theologies. Clergy had been taught them in seminary, but were reluctant to bring them to their congregations as some of it was very different from their traditional beliefs. Yet, it was becoming more difficult for congregants to accept Biblical literalism in the midst of our new scientific world. It was then that David, Sharon and I took a Religious Studies I course with the Ecumenical Institute that led us down a path where our confusing beliefs were replaced with a more relevanttheology for the times. It asked the profound question of what is going to be the “meaning of your life”? Or as the poet Mary Oliver asks, “What I am going to do with my one and only life?” That question had an impact on us., inspiring us to live with renewed purpose and commitment. Our churches became alive again and engaged in social action. Those shared experiences drew David, Sharon and I together.
Our friendship soon went beyond our church involvement. Sharon and David were active bicyclers. They invited me to join them. I choked when they said they biked 14 miles a ride! I couldn’t even do 5.That sounded like punishment, not fun. But they coached me in the skills I needed to stretch my biking prowess and miles. David did insist though that he was not going to be my “maintenance guy”. I had to learn the basics of taking care of my own bike like Sharon did.(Though I quickly learned to turn to son-in-law Brian who worked in a bike repair shop. Thank you Brian!) It only took one summer before David and Sharon had me biking 60 miles a day, admittedly always lagging behind.I graduated under their watch to biking week long rides of 400 miles and camping on high school grounds. To their credit I biked 13 of those while they went on to bike western mountains of the U.S. and Europe with the Gray Tortoises.
We learned how to meditate and did a number of Vipassana meditation retreats together. David kept up his daily practice for 30 years. He was much more diligent than the others of us – disciplined man.
I had always been a movie “buff”; and we often watched independent and foreign films together.Soon I was sitting in live theater with them. I was reading more books. We began having deeper and more reflective conversations…. all led by David, of course.He was ever looking in to the deeper message.Our discussions were never shallow.
David shared he had been raised as the “Prince” in his family. (Probably because he was a boy, that was how it was in those days.)He admitted he had to ”tone it down”…..the prince behavior. But it still popped up now and then. David, friend Barbara Keller and I were at an Institute of Cultural Affairs Conference in a small village in the hills of Mexico.My luggage did not arrive, andI was told it would be delivered the next day. David and Barbara offered to share what they could with me. David opened his suitcase and there they were…. 7 neatly rolled up belts.Barbara and I burst in to laughter….. “David, whatever do you need 7 belts for?!”I think there was still a little of the “Prince”in him.
As a father, one only has to look at Peter, Lisa and Amy to know what a good father he was. I remember how protective he always was of them. When they turned of legal age, he said he understood that as hard as it could be, if he saw a flaw in a decision one of them was making, he had to back off.He was wise that way.
It must be said that David had no tolerance for whining! There was no playing “victim”.
We can’t talk about David without including Sharon. She has been an integral part of his life. They did most everything together. I remember well how when they finished their morning meditation with arms around each other in a long embrace. They were both steadfastly committed to the vows of their marriage. We all saw it:“In sickness and in health – till death do we part”.It has not only been that Davids life was “well lived’ but the marriage was also “well lived!”
In closing, there is much we don’t know as to where David is now, but we do know one thing with certainty. His life and stance toward it was a vital example to us. Take unto yourself what it is that you most treasure about him and make it yours.In that way he will continue to live through you. That is how we can honor Davids’ life!
~~ Meg Zeigelman
David was truly a cornerstone member of the start-up International Association of Facilitators team. He was able to practice the “revolutionary financing” approach that we needed. He served with flexibility and entrepreneurial prowess while crossing all the t’s and dotting all the i’s as a disciplined accountant! He was a pleasant, fun and supportive colleague to work with! Thank you David!